Monday, November 14, 2011
a quiet monday evening.
So I'm on the couch in the Living Room, splitting my attentions between Barbie as Rapunzel on the TV screen, Debbie wiggling her toes in her recliner/rocking chair, and the weener-dog whose whole demeanor seems to be "I'm sad. so sad. food?"
I must admit I do like my Barbie movies. They aren't art, but hey, I needed something comfortable, sweet, and nice this evening. "Family" entertainment.
I can't really say why, but I feel sort of emotional lately. I'm moody, and the weather sucks, having gone cold, snowy and wintry. It will be around zero degrees F. come Wednesday according to forecasts. To me that means a knife in my knee joints and iron rusticles in my back-bone. YUCK!
The good news for me is that tonight I should be able to get some electrolysis in after the movie! Every hair gone makes me feel happier. I long for the day I no longer have to shave before I dare going out in public. I think I have developed some sympathy for poor werewolves!
It's one of the hardest parts of my transition right now, shaving. I've never been good at it, it takes me nearly half an hour or more to get a good close shave, and there's always blood. Add to that my skin is sensitive, and my little curly que hairs ingrow like a keratin corkscrew... ow.
Not that electrolysis doesn't hurt... it can be a bit uncomfortable sometimes (like when you bump the machine and the power knob accidentally goes to "full"). I am still wincing about that one. Just a hint: if you hear frying bacon, the current is too hot.
Every hair that slides out root and all is a victory to me. It's somehow a baby-step to being able to look in the mirror and not feel deformed, ugly, and wretched.
Body image is my nightmare, it always has been. I felt ugly and fat, and deformed when I was a child. Today, it's better, it's easier to live with myself, but I still battle the mirror in my mind. If it wasn't for my 12 step group, therapy, and my loving and supportive friends; people like Rachel, and Julie, and Sparky, I would have long ago given up. So I'm grateful that I have my gifts, that is, my friends. People who have been through hell, and haven't given up.
There's a lot of heroism in the LBGT community!
In this season of thanksgiving, I am honoring those who have given. There's a lot of them. People like Phyllis Rhodes at Identity, Howard Bess, Rachel Runyon, Anja Gensel, Jamey Duhamel, Jaime Rodriegez, George Takei, Janis (I with-hold her last name for anonymity's sake), and on and on. These folks are heroes and role models. I'm grateful that I have been blessed with walking the same world as they. I urge anyone who feels alone, left behind, ugly, unwanted, friendless... look around you. There are wonderful people everywhere. You might even consider coming to the Matsu Valley LBGT Community Coffee, 5pm every Wednesday evening and meeting some of mine.